Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Letting things go...
I am already missing the summer. It was so nice to wake up when I want and to plan my day according to what I think needed to be done that day. All that alone time got me thinking about how much of an introvert I am. A lot of you who know me socially reading this probably wouldn't think so but I am. I enjoy the quiet and I enjoy my home. Going back to school I knew was going to be hard. It always is. I struggle with constantly being surrounded by people. If I could I would shut my office door and not talk to anyone. But I can't and that is okay. This can be really draining though and during the school year in the past I would find myself aggitated on the weekends. There was never enough time to get everything done around the house, relax and have some fun. This weekend I just straight up let the house go. I really wasn't okay with it at first but as of today I am glad I did. It let me have my quiet time, see a movie, and catch up with a few friends and one friend in particular and her 6 week old twins (so cute!). And I did this as a request from my therapist. Yes, you read that. Therapist. I've been seeing one on and off for over 10 years. I am high strung and anal retentive. I think this is why quiet time is so valuable to me. Upon talking to her recently and describing how I was going to make myself an organized list of chores around the house to be completed during the week she asked me "What would happen if you just let everything go?". It was a weird thought. And it was weird to think of letting something go and being okay with it.
What would happen if I just let one thing from my life go? Would the world end? Would I think I was a bad person? Who would care besides myself? No, no, and no one. It was an amazing feeling. It wasn't easy this past weekend. I felt aggitated at times that there was a dirty spot here and there but it was okay. Bradley was amazing at seeing when I was internally struggling with it and just let me be. He is amazing in the fact that he gets the fact that I need time to think and be by myself. I think the biggest revelation to me was how it brought some balance to my introverted tendencies. To much alone time isn't a good thing and in letting something go and being okay with it I was able balance this. Really, its liberating! I think this might be a key to my sanity. I have been worried about this school year, teaching another class, starting grad school, and we have been talking about trying to start having a baby. I know I will find some time eventually to clean the kitchen and finish painting that one wall but in the mean time I going to put balance first. Its amazing it only took me 28 years to start to figure it out!