I suppose it is time for a proper post. My life has been in somewhat of a whirwind since Thanksgiving. I am guessing that is somewhat typical with the holidays but is seems like a lot of other personal issues have risen since then and some big decisions have also been made. The beginning of this month started out rather rough and it all came to a head with my hospital trip but strangely I am feeling rather happy and peaceful now and just in time for the new year. It usually goes the other way around with me. I start December with excitment for Christmas and then after the New year I realize how cold and bleak it is here and I have nothing to look forward too but spring and sping is a long way away. Oh well. Thank God for change.
So where to start? I guess we can go all the way back to Thanksgiving which was a well needed break from work. I received my second ever jury duty summons early in October that started the day before Thanksgiving. I deferred it thinking it wouldn't pop up again till spring...little did I know.
My mom gave me a sewing machine around this time as well and thats when the crafting mania that has insued since then started. I did start with some simple grocery bags and then I was talked into this by the ladies at Mama Said Sew.
Its not perfect and I might have ripped out and redid the gathering more times that I want to admit but I did it!
We spent the day before and Thanksgiving morning at my friend Rachel's house in the mountains with most of our friends. This is the view from her balcony. I could wake up to that everyday.
I made the turkey successfully again and managed to not cut the tip of my finger off like I did about 7 years ago the first time I made thanksgiving...no joke. It had to be stiched back on. Of course lots of wine was consumed and at about midnight Bradley pulled me aside, looked me in the eye very seriously and said "lets try and have a baby... (insert extremely long pause)....this time next year". You would think I would have smiled or cried or something more than the confused grimace I gave him. And in reality I was grimacing at the "next year" part but truthfully it has given me a lot of peace knowing that we are going to start actually planning for it instead of wishing it would happen.
Okay so after the first week back from Thanksgiving break work starts to become unbearable. I am finding it hard to be cheery and happy with students. I just want them all to go away or at least be quiet. Kids start getting weird when they know they are about to have a break or the end of a class is aproaching. Some students start trying to barter with you for a better grade. Like "If I turn this in but not this then what is my grade?" or "Can I do that extra credit you offered 3 months ago?" or some kids go into self destruct mode and start not showing up for class at all and then phone calls to parents have to be made and yes it is just as scary as it sounds to call home. You just never know what you are going to get and I am greatful I have never had a parent phone call go bad. Luckily I had an IB conference scheduled for December 7th and I was looking forward for the break. Well....break it was but not what I was expecting.
That morning I woke up to a coffee meltdown. Coffee was spewing from the top of this brand new coffee pot. Thank God for my french press. If you don't have one, get one.
So this made me late and then I got a phone call that the teacher I was going with couldn't make it and I needed to go get the books we were supposed to take. So that made me even more late and in my logical mind I thought "Its okay. I will just speed". Dumb dumb dumb. On the way out of town I almost get t-boned by another car and I wonder if it is a sign I shouldn't be going to Denver.
So I make my way down there, late, and right as it opens from two to three lanes I am clocked going 87 in a 75. Opps. Four point speeding ticket and $170 however I could go to court for it which is scheduled on my birthday in February. I think I will just pay it. I am also so far away from where I am supposed to be at this point and I pull into the next town, call my mom, cry, and then decide to call work and have them change it to a personal day. I decided that after this it is best to not run myself so hard and the world will not end if I don't make it to Denver however I might if I don't take care of myself. When I get home it just gets more comical when my deferred jury summons shows up in the mail and is scheduled from January 3rd which is my first day back to work. Right now I am praying that I don't get called but we will see.
During the week Bradley starts to sense my mental state's gradual decline and tries to cheer me up like the good husband he is by bringing home ninjamen cookie cutters
(yes I sprinkled the crap out of the one)
However we realize that store bought cookie dough doesn't work that well but they still taste good.
So the next weekend I have something fun planned for my friend Brittany's 30th birthday and we spend the weekend in downtown Denver imbibing a little too much, realizing that Colorado girls really are just awkward in dance clubs, and having a nice weekend away.
Rachel and I being ridiculous
Allison the day after
So now I have one week left at work and it feels like I just might make it through this week. To distract myself I start crafting for Christmas gifts like there is no tomorrow. I am also ignoring the fact that I have daily headaches, I have had a rash on my face for awhile now, and I am having to put more makeup on than normal to not look like the living dead. In retrospect it is a sign that mental strain is starting to come out in physical symptoms.
I gave my family and friends a lot of handmade stuff this year. Teacup candles, hand emroidered tea towels and homemade peach wine.
However in all my crafting and work madness I neglect things like going to the grocery store which I am usually pretty good at least keeping the house stocked.
Once work was over with I could have jumped up in the air for joy. I did make sure that I made all my copies and got lessons together for next semester just in case I do get called in for jury duty. And in the last week of work I received a large number or homemade cookies and gifts from students. It was by far the most I have ever received. I wonder if they were actually just trying to butter me up or maybe I did a good job? It only took 5 years to get the hang of being a high school teacher.
So I start getting ready for Christmas plans. This has been a source of tension for me since I have been with Bradley. Before Bradley, Christmas Eve was spent with my parents relaxing, eating, and then going out to see a movie. I am an only child and I am very close to my parents so when I started dating Bradley it just about killed me to say I couldn't do Christmas Eve with them because Bradley and his brother have always gone to Denver on Christmas to see his grandparents. My parents are sweet and totally understood and have for the past 6 years spent Christmas Eve without me. Now why not trade every year? Well his grandparents won't budge and inflict a giant gilt trip on Bradley, not his brother, for even wanting to change plans so we have just sucked it up and dealt with it. I told Bradley this is the last year I am making my parents sacrifice and his grandpa would be pissed if we had a two day old baby and didn't make it to Christmas Eve. And thank God for my awesome Mother in law who called his grandpa and told him we would be down there earlier in the day so we all had the evening off. But all this in general makes me stressed and anxious.
So my body ultimatley crapped out on last Thursday. After a night of wine and staying up too late again I woke up and an hour later I had the worst headache of my life and I was throwing up. I somehow suffered through it all day unable to take anything because I couldn't keep anything down. By the time Bradley got home from work I had been crying on the couch for an hour. He took me to the hospital and I was granted sweet relief with a liter of fluid and some good drugs through the IV that made me pass out. I found out I had a raging sinus infection and a migraine.
Its funny how a month of stress and ignoring the problem can erupt into a physical symptoms like this. I know this lesson. I have been taught it before but I keep forgetting it. At the hospital they told me to slow down and rest. So I have been doing just that. We cancelled Christmas Eve plans and later in the day when I was feeling okay we went to Bradley's uncle's house. Christmas was just as mellow and we had brunch with my parents and my in-laws. I am just now starting to feel like a normal person again and my sinus infection is mostly gone and so is the rash on my face. I have also been spending a whole lot of time here.
With that all said it has really been making me evaluate how I live my life. I just go go go and when I stop I get anxious and crabby. I have been doing a lot of reflecting and evaluating of how I live versus how I want to live.